Interview: circa negative 2 hours BC

What makes you think you’re the one?

…

No tell me. Please. I’m not- this isn’t rhetorical. I’m asking you.

What… mak-…. I’m sorry, can you repeat the question. I was just lost for a second… in your.. eyes.

Um, alright (?) I was just asking you: What makes you think you’re the one.

Alright. Got it now. Umm, What makes me think I’m the one. Well-

Take your time.

I’m fine! I can… Well, to start off. I am tall. So that’s a definite plus. People like tall people. They listen to em, worship em… Continuing, I am… nice. Generally speaking. But who doesn’t have their moments? We all have moments. Some more than others, not me. I have a very normal amount of moments. Just staggeringly average. I’m mean, median, and mode. Middle of the road. Ol’ Frosty says things come to a fork and I disagree. I think they just keep going straight, Straight to… me…

Which is why I think I’m the one.

You’re tall and normal? That’s what you’re bringing to the table?

I mean that’s not ALL. OF COURSE. I was really just getting myself lubed up. WARMED up. I’m sorry. Just takes a bit to get the juices flowing- CREative juices. I also happen to be a brunette. Yeah, most people are BUT I see this as an asset. Because this way when people look at me they will see a reflection unto… themselves. I’m relatable. I can do this. Just lemme at em. OHH. I don’t even think I need to say it, I’m sure you’ve noticed : rrrrrockin bod.

Alright, thank you for coming in. I think I’ve gotten enough to make my decis-

NO NO NO NO NO. whatelsewhatelsewhatelse. IIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhavvvvvvve.. Tricks! I have amazing tricks. Do you want to see them? Don’t bother answering I’ll take it as a yes

It’s nothing personal I just think we may have better candidates, more well suited to the position. You’re don’t even really fit the profile we’re going for.

Hold on I’m almost ready.

I hate to say it but you just don’t look the part. We were envisioning Egypt, Israel, some desert-y shit. And that’s just not the picture you’re bringing to the table. I look at you and I see Saltine. A lovely saltine, don’t get me wrong but I don’t think you’re very representative of the people we’re really speaking to.

One minute I swear. Do you have any water?

Uh… yes.

Here.

Aw shit. NOw we are cooooking.

Look, sir. It’s not personal. If you could please just gather your things, put your sandals back on. I should have made the call right then and there. That’s on me. But really, I don’t have all the time in the-

OR IS IT WATER????

What?

OR.IS.IT.WA.TER..

Oh my God what did you do to that. Is that blood?

In a way

STOP, why are you drinking it.

You gotta lighten up man.

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…

…

Wanna sip?

Absolutely not.

Still think I’m not right for the position?

That was certainly interesting. Am I confused? Yes. Will it haunt me? Absolutely. But I’m not sure this qualifies you-

Open your desk drawer.

What, why?

Just open. the desk. drawer.

Goddamn there are so many fish in here.

How did you do that. I brought no fish into the office this morning, let alone shoved them into my desk and now I’m-

Impressed?

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You’ve got the job.

I've got the job!

Get down there you little scamp!

HELL YEAH

HELL YEAH.

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